Self Hate Be Gone

Staring out the window, looking forlorn, she longs for escape. Why must she stay locked here in defeat?  Where nothing is beautiful.  Loving words are meaningless and sentiments are unappreciated.  She is stuck. Hidden away where there is no way out.  Self hate is glued to her heart.  She glued it there at a young age with lots and lots of unkind, hateful words.  Glued in layers upon her heart.  Words given to her by family.  She believed they were true.  
 

She has given up all hope of breaking free. She longs to be anywhere but where she is - stuck. 
How can she lift herself from the mire of negative words going through her mind?   


She must make the choice to unglue the self hate.  Finding gratitude is her solvent.  

She must decide to stop hating all the cruel things said and done to her.  These hateful things have made her strong.  She fought a big person off her at a young age, making her strong.  So strong that she will not allow any person to ever take advantage of her body again.  She must fight for herself...because no one else ever did.  She will draw the line to never be crossed.  

This is her safe place out of the muck of hate.  She has made it.  She has power in herself to stay protected.  Strength is what her difficult past has awarded her.  Without that darkness, she may never have truly known just how strong she is.  She is amazed when she realizes how thankful she is for that darkness. She is thankful for how strong it has made her.  Thankful that she is now able to step out into the light. 

Come with me and step into your light by booking a session today.  

Self hate be gone! 

Strength is Beautiful

 

You've been taught...scary things happen in the dark. You say your prayers and don't close your eyes. Lay still as a rock.  Muffle the cries and keep them packed inside your heart.  

But, the heart knows...it knows you can't keep  this locked away. Your body knows. It can't keep your cries hidden.  You tap, tap, tap your fingers. You starve for peace as you nibble your nails. 

Emotions are jammed up in a sick stomach. All your pain begins to flow through every part of your body. It's fear. Fear of never being enough. Fear you are a failure and nothing will ever change.  Fear that everyone around you sees it too.  That you're worthless.  
 

And then it happens. You wail.  You curse the darkness. You look at yourself in the mirror and see a sick stringy haired face, little girl looking back at you. She's hurting. She's desperate for someone to hold her and tell her she's perfect the way she is.  Someone needs to kiss her cheek and tell her she was meant for greatness. Go ahead.  Tell her the truth. Kiss her cheek. You're the only one she listens to.  The lies she's been telling herself all these years have made her sick.  Tell her not to be afraid of the dark.  The darkness is only there so she can see her light.  It's time to comfort her and heal her heart.  

Tell her that the cruel things people did to her are not her fault.  They are the ones who carry the shame, not her.  She has strength because she is still here looking at you.  

Tell her she has a voice and it is powerful! Shout it out loud that she is unbroken! Look at her! She is still standing.  She is still alive.  She is beautiful! 

 

You are beautiful! 

Finding What's Lost

Somewhere between having babies and deciding between buying milk for cereal or buying a bag of potatoes to make french fries to go with hamburgers for dinner... I lost me. 

When the waters edge has eroded and has very little rocks...you don't take more rocks away from the depleted soil. 

I couldn't bear to take anything away from my family.  So, I took from myself. I took away all my needs of wanting anything personal.  No want for a special bottle of perfume. No want for a new pair of earrings.  Completely content with giving my babies their milk to go with their cereal.  Hamburgers are just fine without french fries on the side.  As long as there are smiles and laughter at the table.  That's all I ever wanted and needed. 

Whenever I was asked what I wanted for my birthday, I had no idea.  Nothing.  I always replied I didn't want anything.  I was being honest.  I had no wants for myself.  I didn't even realize what I had done, until...

One day as I turned to pour a bowl of cereal, my babies were gone.  They smiled as they left. But me? Not so much.  This river had dried up.  It had branched off and fed two beautiful new rivers and was left empty. I lost...me. 

Now, I'm on  a journey of rediscovering that soul.  The one who gave everything away so her babies could "have". Would you like to come along with me? We can look for rocks to place along our waters edge.  Rebuild what was lost. 

I would love to hear about what parts of you, you want to rediscover. Contact me and we will talk about how you would like that portrayed in your photographs. It will be absolutely beautiful!